After all the papel picado has been bought from that little quirky place in the totally not sketch store down the mall, bowdlerized and non-threatening enough, what else can the happy WASP get for a proper color for the party? We have the Day of the Dead decorations, the ghoulish decals and lights, and the yummy biscuits, what else can you get that your neighbors can’t simply buy at the local Whole Foods?
Why, invite a real Latino, of course!
They speak with an adorable accent, are not as threatening as the African American kids at school, will probably make less money than your spouse, so not a challenge there! Since these Latinos sort of understand English, you can always depend on them to give you help when carrying trays full of pan de muerto, and they are so helpful when cleaning afterwards!
Also, since they are trying to prove that they are better than the other minorities, their gifts are large and extravagant, the sort of thing that you can always use as a conversation piece in future parties; nothing to play with, of course, because these garish colours are dreadful, and so difficult to show, but above the mantel, these papier mâché bulls look astounding.
Be wary, though, there are caveats when inviting these colorful characters to your home. First, they will want to talk to you, with their terrible accents and their crazy loud shirts. Also, all those gold chains! Luckily, if you invite two they will just sit in a corner talking quietly amongst themselves. In that note, though, do not invite many more, because they get loud and obnoxious when in groups! Or simply ignore them, because soon they will start doing their silently stare into the horizon thing. It must be some shaman thing from this ancient ethnic group!
Finally, once you have them, if forced total to them, be sociable! These Latinos will love to answer your questions about their country and culture, so remember to ask them where are they from! Sometimes your might have to ask many times, like from where really, or their family, or their ancestors. Also, ask them where did they get their lovely accent, where to get a nice maid to clean the house, or what is their favorite Mexican restaurant, no matter whether they come from Peru or Chile, everybody knows the Latinos all love Mexican food.
Good luck with your party, and make sure you pin it!