Mercurial

Power is the better aphrodisiac,but,as Maureen Dowd discovers,it only works for men:

I’d been noticing a trend along these lines,as famous and powerful men took up with young women whose job it was was to care for them and nurture them in some way:their secretaries,assistants,nannies,caterers,flight attendants,[...]

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bazima gives a perfect account of the people that have shared her very personal space. I am shocked that only two guys suggested a threesome;on the other hand,I am reactivating my account on nerve:Number of guys I slept with who I met on Nerve:9

What database she uses,I do enquire?

[...]

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This relationship thing is complex,and as somebody used to say,it gets more complicated with time:soon,we substitute politics for sex,games for passion,convenience for desire. The perfect partner,be it a woman,a man or a goat (Santorum wise) ceases to attract,and only remain the qualifications. What do you study,where do you go,how many congenital defects have your family had in the last generations.

It was a matter of only wondering about how long did we had until somebody arrived,now it is more about wondering about who was there before,and “where-are-these-damned-condoms-I-am-not-fucking-this-slut-without-them”.
The complete erosion of trust and that easy naïveté that allowed for crazy stuff,a little of defiance and a much of innocence gone,the expectations and too much knowledge creeping in.

Not innocents now:Sex becomes a performance,a political arena where the right words must be said,where the correct assignment of power is sought,and pleasure must be dished out in controlled and carefully measured dosages,so as to keep the other hooked but always coming for more. Not more marathons,thanks,because I want you at my feet,panting with desire. Besides,we get sore,both emotionally and physically.
I liked it before,when I could suspend disbelief and pretend that the words were true,and that the moaning was authentic. Now,I stop short of attaching electrodes everywhere,but keep measuring your pulse,respirations,perspiration and pupil dilation,trying to guess if that thing that you are muttering is my name or somebody’s else.
I could dream before,a time when I still believed that commitments were made,and the cynicism of many breakups was not there yet. I could imagine happy futures,and talk of families and rings was clean and easy.
Why do you want a ring now? Why do you suspect being used?

It doesn’t help that all along we,as a couple,try to create our identity out of the perceptions that our friends have of us,and thus our family and our relations all get appraised the same way,all along the development of the relationship. It doesn’t help that this now has a goal,a clear objective,and partners get evaluated before they get close. I am looking at you,and thinking about your family,your age,your career potential,your hang-ups and hidden neuroses. I consider your physical history,evaluate the sports you practice,criticize your friends and your career. You do the same with me.

A tree told me to grow leaves,which I use as a metaphor to expand,develop and learn. To remember that Zen advice,have a beginner’s mind.

I might love yet.

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It started Wednesday:she called at 11:35,to meet her at a restaurant where some of her friends some piece of cheap ass,abusive and hypocrite,asking free things of poor immigrant waiters,and patronizing and insulting all along

were evidently taking advantage of the gullibility of the waiters. When I showed up it [...]

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